Errands

We had two errands to run this afternoon. 1. Drive to The Land Flowing with Milk and Honey to drop Lauren and John off at art class and 2. Continue north to The Outer Reaches of the Earth to pick up stencil creme and repositionable stencil adhesive.

I recently finished painting Faith and Claire's room a bright, cheery Extra White. I decided to paint the words A friend loves at all times over their window in blue and green to add a touch of color. Smallville does not carry stencil creme as it is not necessary for survival, nor does the Land Flowing with Milk and Honey because it is neither milk nor honey. We keep our UPS man hopping but ordering paint via the internet will not bring the hoped-for green to my mailbox. I know. I've tried. I just unpacked a carton of Leprechaun Green but it had olive tones to it rather than the true green I was after. Hence the need to travel to The Outer Reaches of the Earth where the really good stores are.

After delivering the oldest two to their class, we drove out of town and turned north onto the four-lane highway. Cotton fields and garbage cribs dotted the landscape. Each residence in the county sports some type of garbage holding device at the end of the driveway. Some of these containers are made of wood or wire but many of them are literal cribs. While I was comtemplating how these cribs create a unique scenic impression, we came upon four fire trucks, three police cars, and several pickup trucks lining the southbound lanes. I looked but did not see any reason for all these vehicles. I continued on my way north speculating whether the emergency congregation was necessary or whether it was it just a drill to see how quickly they could rondevous at this particular destination. Three more fire trucks, two pickup trucks with blinking lights and two additional police cars came screaming and speeding past me on the southbound lanes.

We have a lot of accidents around here. My neighbor blames the hill people for many of these crashes. The roads that crisscross the hills are dirt paths just wide enough to allow a single vehicle to wind around the countryside. Its no wonder the Clampetts get confused with four lane navigation. They lurch down out of the hills, come to the first two lanes of the divided highway and turn in the direction of their destination. Destination is the deciding factor in whether they turn north or south into the southbound lanes. The Clampetts often do not realize that there are two additional lanes just a few feet from the open window that supports their elbow. It is not uncommon to see a car heading north in the far left southbound lane. Stuart witnessed this just last week. Cars were diving off the road all over the place to get out of Jed's way.

So this is what I figure, one of those pickups must have been heading north in the southbound lane. Because this is dangerous, he was pulled over. Then maybe the officer discovered meth... or explosives...or waaay too many shotguns in the back of the pickup and called out every available emergency worker in the county. And they all came because emergency workers are good in an emergency. I don't know any of this for sure but the speculating made the miles go by faster.

We drove and drove and finally pulled into the Hobby Lobby parking lot. You have to understand that this is the first time that I have been shopping in eons. I was completely overwhelmed when I walked in the door. So many things to look at. I wanted to inspect every item because wonderous household decorations might have been invented since the last time I ventured out. I wanted to take my time deciding which one or two impulse items to add to my cart. I wanted to come to an understanding as to why the shelves were stocked with Christmas decorations. It is only July, after all. As I was wandering around with three kids in tow, picking up and putting back, Charlie got to thinking and decided that he wanted to go to Disney World. Right. Then. So I hurriedly (and distractedly) made my purchases while listening to a rhythmic, chanting chorus of, "Let's go to Disney World. I want to go to Disney World. Let's drive to Disney World. I hate home."

When we got back to the car, I learned that my watch and the clock in the car were out of sync and that the speedier clock displayed the correct time. I had fifteen minutes to make a forty-five minute trip back to pick up the kids. Charlie continued his chant but I couldn't hear most of the words as our air conditioning has been going by degrees and now we drive with the windows rolled down. I also couldn't hear and didn't notice that my turn signal was blinking. The wind roared, Charlie chanted and the right turn signal blinked for thirty endless miles.

We hurriedly scooped up Lauren and John and zipped into Wal-Mart to pick up a quick snack because we were starving and Charlie had added extreme hunger to his whiny chant. Back in the car, Lauren passed out snacks and five of us opened flavored water bottles simultaneously. No one noticed that the label explained this was not ordinary water. No, it was sparkling water and the hasty opening of the bottles created an EXPLOSION of sparkling cherry water all over the car. We ticked off the remaining miles in wet clothing and sticky puddles.

When we finally parked the car in the driveway, the odometer shocked me. We covered One hundred and eleven miles on this art class/stencil creme excursion. One hundred and eleven miles is a long, far way to go for 1.5 ounces of paint and a 4 oz. bottle of glue. Don't you think?

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