Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts with the label Pocket Lint

What Am I? Wikipedia?

The children and I are on a quest for knowledge. Not on the same quest though. The children are curious and inquisitive about the world around them. I, on the other hand, just want to know where exactly in the world I am. I'll show you what I mean. Things I spend my middle-aged days wondering about: Why am I standing in front of the open refrigerator? Have I been here long? What are we going to eat for breakfast? Do oatmeal cookies count as breakfast? What am I doing in my closet and why am I holding this spatula? How come I'm the only one who knows how to change a roll of toilet paper? Should I be glad that I still possess this skill? One day will I forget how? Why does the van marked Prisoner Transport keep stopping at the house next door? Should I be worried about this? My children do not understand that my brain is ninety percent cotton and befuddlement and because of this they zing questions at me out of the blue and all day long. They are such hopeful children. There is n...

Avegrasil

Stuart came home from work on this cold, dry evening complaining of sore lips. "It feels like my WHOLE bottom lip is a cold sore. What do you think I should do?" After a big glass of water and glob of lip balm he was back to normal but somehow that minor event led to this discussion around the dinner table. "Doctor, there's something horribly wrong with my lip. What do you suggest?" "I'll write you a prescription for Avegrasil. It was just approved by the FDA. Give it a try. If it doesn't work, come back in three weeks and I'll give you some more." Directions for taking Avegrasil: Do not take with food or on an empty stomach. Do not lick lips. Side effects may include but are not limited to: blisters, leprosy and spontaneous human combustion. The discussion ended when Faith toodled. She did not offer the customary, "Excuse me" but explained herself with, "I've been taking Avegrasil. Chapped lips anyone? Try Avegrasil. It ...

Contests

Stuart and I were walking around the block in the dark the other night. We talked about the events of the day. "Hey Hon, did you know there's a blog that is giving away a 37"inch flat-panel screen TV from Best Buy ." "Really?!" "Yeah, but if I enter to win, I have to write about it on my blog. I don't know if I want to do that. Besides I just won two awesome books on ornithology and the history of the twenty-first century from another blog ." "That's great, babe." Silence. Well, mostly silence, except for a weird raspy squealing sound at our feet in the darkest stretch of the walk. I reached for Stuart's hand but he was startled and jumped away. "What was that?!" "A cicada maybe. Or a bird. Could it have been a bird?" "I don't know. What kind of bird makes that kind of noise?" When our hearts stopped racing: "I want you to enter that thing." "Well, if you really want me to....