The children and I are on a quest for knowledge. Not on the same quest though. The children are curious and inquisitive about the world around them. I, on the other hand, just want to know where exactly in the world I am. I'll show you what I mean.
Things I spend my middle-aged days wondering about:
Why am I standing in front of the open refrigerator? Have I been here long?
What are we going to eat for breakfast? Do oatmeal cookies count as breakfast?
What am I doing in my closet and why am I holding this spatula?
How come I'm the only one who knows how to change a roll of toilet paper? Should I be glad that I still possess this skill? One day will I forget how?
Why does the van marked Prisoner Transport keep stopping at the house next door? Should I be worried about this?
My children do not understand that my brain is ninety percent cotton and befuddlement and because of this they zing questions at me out of the blue and all day long.
They are such hopeful children.
There is not a chance that I will be able to help them but they keep plying me with queries. Here are a few that I have fielded in the last week or so:
How many miles an hour can a hummingbird fly?
How many squirrels are there in the world?
Does dental floss get bigger if you heat it?
Do you need keys to drive a submarine?
If you are allergic to cats would you be allergic to lions as well?
I have a standard reply for these brain teasers: How the heck am I supposed to know! Go look it up.
It's a one size fits all answer.
Except for the dental floss.
My response to that one was: What in tarnation do you need to know that for? Do you think this stuff up just to torment me? (They do. I'm sure of it.)
So now I've got one for you. Do women regain their mental faculties sometime after their forties or is it all downhill from here? If it's all downhill feel free not to answer.