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A Doubting Time

“Mama. This isn’t true.” Faith has a Magic Tree House book open to the last few pages. She is pointing to the heading, The Rainbow Serpent, an Aboriginal myth about the role the Rainbow Serpent played in creating the world. “It’s not true. I don’t think that the author should write about things that aren’t true like they are true! Indignation leaves it’s mark on her little face.

John has been watching the Discovery Channel with Stuart. He comes out in the middle of a program to let me know, “It’s another one of those the Bible can’t be true so here’s what happened instead shows. This week it’s about how Noah’s ark would have sunk. Last week, it was about how they found Jesus’ bones. Where do they come up with this stuff?”

These conversations are heartening. My children are learning to evaluate the reasoning of others using the Bible as a plumb line. An incredible skill for ones so young.

Just a few years ago, planes flew into the Twin Towers and scattered glass, concrete and human flesh, confidence and security. My own young faith teetered in the aftermath of this event. How could men be so convinced that they were right? How could they be so sure they would fly into those buildings and come out in a blaze of Glory? Where did this conviction come from? I found myself wondering, Am I so sure of what I believe that I would be willing to defend my beliefs? To speak up? To die?

I wandered around the house in a fog making beds and washing dishes. They seemed unnecessary, worthless tasks in the grand scheme of things against the backdrop of those days. I voiced my thoughts to Stuart. “Is the God whom we believe in right? Are we on the right track?”

His answer was wise. “Belief is a decision. If you choose to follow Jesus. Follow. And keep your eyes open. If He is who He says He is, He will show Himself faithful to you and you will come out at the end of this time of doubting more sure of your faith. If He is who He says He is, He will not crumble because of your questioning.” This is what happened. I did pass through to the other side, from doubt to a renewed, strengthened faith.

Yesterday I was studying John 16 and verses 1-4 glowed as if blinking from a billboard. “I have told you all these things so that you will not fall away. They will put you out of the synagogue, yet a time is coming when the one who kills you will think he is offering service to God. They will do these things because they have not known the Father or me. But I have told you these things so that when their time comes you will remember that I told you about them” Oh, I thought. If I had known these words on September 11, 2001, I would not have faltered. I would not have been surprised by the ferocity and the calculation of those men. I would have known how to think. I would have been standing on a firm foundation instead of swinging in the breeze.

This then is why the Word is at the heart of our day. It makes our path straight and our footing sure. It’s what my children will need as they make their way into the world and while they live here in the shelter of our family. It’s what I need for confidence and peace.


Sarah Markley said…
Its so interesting you posted this today: so often I ask the Lord to increase my faith b/c I feel so little sometimes. You are right - standing on His word is what gives us the surest footing. Thank you for reminding me tonight.
ValleyGirl said…
Wow, you are so good at putting these kinds of things into words. Thank you for an incredible lesson in yet another wonderful post.
Faith said…
Such a good post!
lori said… well said...I remember feeling the same feelings when the students at Columbine were killed and some were asked if they KNOW that you would not hesitate to say "YES," is what I want more than anything in this world to pass on to my children..
thanks for making me think today, think about John 16, and remind me that I am not alone in wanting to give this gift to my children..
it was beautiful...
thanks for blessing me AGAIN today...
Susan said…
Loved this. Thank you again for sharing and speaking directly to me.
Alana said…
What an appropriate verse for today. Thanks Kate!
What a testimony that your children know to use Scripture as the plumline. It's so important in today's world to not fall away...though it is often such a temptation!
Carol said…
Once again, I'm in awe of your incredible reflections and the way you create them with words. I find myself reading parts of your posts to my husband, so he can enjoy your insight, descriptions, and beautiful word choices as well. Thank you again.
Good insights. You have a wonderful opportunity to lay the foundation for your kids. May God bless you for the work you're doing. Your children will rise up and call you blessed as they make their way in the world. We may be raising a generation of missionaries who will reach out to their own generation. I think God will use these young hearts to change our world.
Christin said…
I bet your heart about bursts when your children say things like that. I know mine does.

You had commented a while back on one of my posts about how you read the bible to your children and they form their reality off of that. (or something to that effect). :) I so agree. We find that our girls, though young, soak up the truths of the Word.

And I'm so encouraged as I read about your children...and I trust that my girls, like yours, will also carry around with them the ability to recognize truth from fiction. wisdom from deception.
Xandra said…
The fact that your children use scripture as the benchmark for everything else is a huge testament to the fact that you and your husband are raising them in a Godly way.

The scripture you quoted is one that I am going to add to my scripture journal for memorization. What a great reference!

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