I have been wrestling with God this week. This has a predictable ending. I won't leave you in suspense. He pinned me firmly to the mat and held me there until I cried "Uncle!" It took a few days.
On Wednesday, I wrote this:
Famine and Psalm 33
I am starving
Hungry for meaning,
Will faith disintegrate
To dust under the enormity of this weight?
Carried at length
With no end in sight.
But God says
His eyes are on those who fear him
Who hope in His unfailing love
He will keep my spirit alive in this present famine.
And so it is true.
I could not bring myself to post it then because I was still wrestling. Still nursing self-pity. Still lobbying for my rights. God is gracious. He did not grind my weak frame to dust and laugh "BUAA HAA HAA!" in a deep scary voice. Instead He lifted me up and dusted me off. He renewed my strength as I was reading Luke Chapter 11 in preparation for going through it with the kids. While reading Chuck Smith's commentary on the Lord's prayer, I learned Yahweh or Jehovah means The Becoming One. This is the I AM that God identified Himself as to Moses in Exodus Chapter Three. I checked the Hebrew and looked for other commentaries that agreed to be sure that Mr. Smith wasn't out in left field.
The Becoming One. The character of God is so enormous that we can spend a lifetime with Him and still be continually surprised by an aspect of Him that we had not previously considered. He reveals Himself to us slowly in bits and pieces so that we will not be overwhelmed by His complexity and His glory. He does not become real to us through study. He becomes real when we meet Him in our everyday lives. We recognize God as a provider when he provides. We recognize him as an encourager when he pours out his comfort in the Psalms and sends a friend at just the right moment with encouraging words. We recognize him as a Restorer when he picks up the pieces of our shattered lives and puts them back together as something whole and beautiful. He is not a stagnant, distant God but One who is so in tune with our lives that He becomes to us what we need when we need it.
We can live a victorious life when we live minute by minute and acknowledge our frailty. We do not need to try harder. Rather, we need to grip the hand of our Father harder. We must remind ourselves that God IS what we need. When we are tempted toward impatience God IS patience. When we are tempted toward anger God IS love. We begin to be sure, to be confident, of each expression of his character as we rely and He becomes.