Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Impossibilities

Come. I've moved aside some selfishness to make a bit of room for You, here in my heart.

Come. Join us at the breakfast table. When I remember You, we'll crack open your Word and search for treasure. When I remember.

I remember until a fork clatters to a stop in front of me and then I forget. YOU DO NOT THROW SILVERWARE! SET THIS TABLE LIKE A LADY! I toss the fork back and it hits a water glass, and water and ice cubes spill out.

The silverware tosser bursts into tears and loud cries, and I hear the words of my heart voice, Your voice, "That's not My way." And it's not. I dry tears and mop water and fill the glass again.

Come, heart dweller. Sit with me on the sofa. Feel the press of a warm, wiggly little boy body. Listen to the story sounds and the giggles and the "Read Move Over Rover again, Mama."

Hear the interruption, "I can't find my spelling book."

And my irritation, "I am tired of looking for your school books! When you are done you need to put them away! I am not your maid!" Hear my voice soften. "I'm sorry, we'll look for the book together."

Come. Come into the bedroom in the late afternoon. Feel the thrashing little boy body . Feel the little heels kicking. Hear the screaming. "I'M NOT TIRED! I...DON'T... NEED...UH...NAP!" See me raise my hand to spank and then set it down gently on chubby legs and stroke and hum instead. Until a book hits me in the face, and then see my hand rise and flash down on a chubby bottom. See big fingers hold little ones until the crying subsides and eyelids close.

How can this be, this waffling that makes up my days?

You live in the recesses of my heart and speak softly, in whispers. Impossible whispers. Forgive seventy times seven. Covet not. Be joyful always. Love your neighbor as yourself. Come. You don't really expect me to obey these impossibilities. Do you?

Impossible, you say. This temper keeping, this love giving, this joyful living. That's why I'm here, for I am the author and overcomer of impossibilities.

And this is why "Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing yet had been done."~ C.S. Lewis ~

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15 comments:

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

Kate,

I can really relate to this. It's so tough to follow Jesus every single minute. I can set my mind on the course, but interruptions make me lose focus & get off track quickly.

As always, thanks for sharing.

Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...

Were you in my house this week?

I'm so glad He lets us try again.

steph.

Kathy at Sumballo said...

Kate, thanks again for a vulnerable and insightful essay. We walk with feet of clay and I think of Paul's anguish in Romans 7: I don't do what I want to do, and I do what I don't want to do.... The agony of living in our own skins, in a world of evil, is so very painful. Thanks for sharing.

Denise said...

Awesome post, bless you.

ellen b said...

You have so beautifully expressed this and brought it into our everyday experiences. Blessings

Angie said...

Wow, that was like stepping back in time to when my girls were small...You gave that message beautifully.
Bless you!

Amy said...

Breathtaking!

~Amy

Hummie said...

You have such a unique style of writing that just draws one in! Keep writing!

MiPa said...

Wow! That sounds like my life. Bless you for sharing.

Meg said...

Great post Kate. I can relate too much! I tagged you for a meme..come to my blog and check it out! Love, Meg

Cheryl said...

Wow. Have I been there! You really nailed the essence of the quote. Every day, sometimes every minute, can seem more than we can handle. Especially when we have handled it before, and it gets old.

Beautifully written!

Christy said...

Wow, I could have written that post (if I was, you know, a good writer and all!).

Really, you expressed that beautifully, and I can relate!

lori said...

ABSOLUTLEY LOVE what you wrote..as a homeschool mom of 3 I laughed at the similarities!!
your words speak volumes!
loved it

Carrien said...

lovely, and honest. You are a good writer.

eph2810 said...

Kate, that is so beautiful - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this past week's IOW quote.
Yes, we see the impossible happening with Him reigning in our life.

Be blessed today and always.